For whānau
Info for family members of rangatahi who are struggling with screens, gaming or gambling.
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What's happening?
We've put together some info for parents and caregivers about what might be going on for your rangatahi if they are getting addicted to screens or spending too much time online gaming or gambling.
Rangatahi use screens for many reasons. They can help them switch off, connect with others, feel capable, or cope with difficult emotions. It's natural to worry about too much screen time, but it can also help to ask what need the screen is meeting.
Gaming is often deeply connected to a young person's identity, friendships, and social world. It's normal as a parent to have concerns about time spent gaming, but it's important to understand why it matters to your young person.
Apps, games, and social media are designed to keep young people engaged. With a developing brain, stopping isn't always as easy as it seems. Many apps use features that remove natural stopping points, making it easy for rangatahi to keep scrolling long after they intended to stop.
Gambling is becoming a more normal part of youth culture. It often starts with gaming and can progress to sports betting or online gambling as young people get older. Gambling is increasingly visible on social media and can be common within friendship groups. If your rangatahi is experiencing gambling harm, they may feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it, especially when there is pressure to appear successful or "win."
What to do about it
It's really hard to know what to do when your young person is online all the time and may not want to talk about it. Our youth counsellors have put together these great tips to help.
Rangatahi often expect to be judged about their screen use. Instead, start by showing genuine interest in the games they play and the apps they use. When we take time to understand why these activities matter to them, we build trust and open the door to honest conversations about technology, wellbeing, and balance.
Sometimes the moment can come when you least expect it, so take the moment to engage in a conversation about what they are concerned about when it arises.
Start from a place of calm and curiosity. Rather than focusing first on the gambling itself, try to understand what role it is playing in your young person’s life.
Gambling may be providing excitement, distraction, social connection, or a temporary escape from difficult emotions. Understanding its purpose creates a stronger foundation for working together on change. Even if they shut down or get defensive, you have shown that you care and are there for them.
Try having a chat whilst you are doing a shared activity - go for a drive, do a chore together, chat during a walk. This can create a quiet space to have a conversation about screens and what else is going on for them in real time.
When your rangatahi comes to you with a problem, try asking: "Do you want me to listen, offer advice, or help you take action?" This gives them a sense of control and helps them get the support they need. You don't always have to solve the problem, sometimes being heard is enough.
Let your young person know that if they see anything that confuses, upsets or worries them, they can talk to you, and they won't be in trouble. Be persistent, even if your young person doesn't want to chat, as it's helpful to know what they are getting out of the gaming experience. Letting them know you are here makes them more likely to engage if harm arises.
Once you've agreed on limits around gaming, try to be consistent. This can be challenging, especially when every conversation feels like a battle. Predictable, calm boundaries help rangatahi know what to expect and reduce the need for ongoing negotiation.
When it's time to enforce a limit, aim to be matter-of-fact and neutral. Consistency sends the message that the boundary isn't a punishment- it's simply part of how your family uses technology.
Setting priorities and limits before gaming or online time helps to make it clear for everyone. You can use an alarm to remind when the time is up - that way the alarm is the middle man in letting your child know its time to unplug.
Help your rangatahi understand that many apps, games, and social media platforms are intentionally designed to keep them scrolling for as long as possible. The longer they stay engaged, the more advertising they see. Having open conversations about how these platforms are designed, or watching a short video together can help young people recognise these tactics and make more informed choices about their screen use.
Trial a focus app with your rangatahi
Focus apps can make social media and games less tempting by grey scaling the screen, adding a delay before apps open, or blocking them at certain times of the day. This small amount of "friction" can make it much easier to put the phone down. Trying it together helps make it feel collaborative, rather than something being imposed on your rangatahi.
Out of sight, out of mind
Keeping your phone out of the bedroom at night and away from family time (eg. dinner) can help with interrupting the need to doomscroll.
Young people have developing brains, so it's important to set clear, consistent boundaries around screen use. Agree on expectations together, including how much time is spent on screens, when devices are put away for the evening, where phones are kept overnight, and which times or places should be screen-free (such as during meals or family time). Clear boundaries work best when they are consistent, realistic, and modelled by the whole family.
Need help now?
Think about your own habits
What are your own screen patterns and how are you modelling the behaviour you want for your kids.
Your rangatahi are watching more than they're listening. Think about the digital habits you're role modelling - we are not impartial experts! Small changes, like putting your phone away during family time or taking regular breaks from screens, can have a lasting impact.
Before reaching for your phone, try Catherine Prices’ '3 Ws' with your rangatahi:
What for? What am I picking up my phone to do?
Why now? Is it because I need to do something, or am I bored, stressed, or looking for a distraction?
What else? Is there something else I could do instead?
Take a look at your phone and identify your own "dopamine triggers"- the apps that make you want to keep checking or scrolling. Building awareness of what pulls you in is a great first step. Talk with your rangatahi about the apps they find hardest to put down and share your own experiences too. Together, explore ways to reduce the pull.
Role model and support your child to connect with their friends and whānau outside of gaming. Try a tech free meal together, or take a walk in your neighbourhood.
Coming up with a household media use plan can be helpful. Agree when everyone can be on their device and when everyone puts them away. Some common times to have no devices is mealtime, in the bedroom or before school. As a whānau you all can decide what is healthy alternatives to being on screens and rebuild connections in new ways.
Practical tips and tricks
A few really useful ways to change behaviour
Agree together that homework, chores, and other responsibilities come before gaming or screen time. This helps rangatahi develop healthy routines, learn to prioritise, and build the ability to stick with tasks that take time and effort before moving on to more immediately rewarding activities.
One of the things that can help is negotiating the time your child is allowed to spend online, and agreeing to what you as the parent see as reasonable. Be prepared to listen but ultimately it is your decision.
Ensure gaming devices are off at the same time each night and charging outside of their rooms. Sleep is important for developing brains.
When gaming has become a major part of a young person's life, it can be hard for them to think of other activities they enjoy. Gaming often provides fun, achievement, connection, and a way to unwind, so finding alternatives takes time.
Encourage your rangatahi to explore hobbies that offer similar benefits, such as sport, music, art, being outdoors, or spending time with friends. They may not feel motivated at first, but with encouragement and patience, they can gradually discover new interests and build a healthier balance.
Whatever starts the conversation is the right thing to say. It may look like “Hey, I noticed you haven’t seemed yourself recently?”, or “I’ve noticed you have been gambling a lot recently. How does it make you feel?”. You can also keep the conversation less focused on them, such as, “Have you noticed those ads for the new TAB app Betcha? I’ve been seeing them constantly!”
Help them reconnect with activities that provide excitement, achievement, or connection without gambling - such as sport, gaming with friends (within healthy limits), music, volunteering, or creative hobbies.
Create barriers to gambling. If gambling has become a concern, consider self-exclusion from gambling venues or online blockers like Gamban, where possible. It is also possible to restrict wifi after certain hours at home. Practical barriers can reduce opportunities to gamble while your rangatahi builds healthier ways of coping.
Limit easy access to money. If you're worried about gambling, consider reducing access to credit cards or online banking. This might include avoiding lending money without a clear purpose or delaying access to extra funds while you work through the concerns together.
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