Setting up your young person's phone: why it's important
- Tips
- Screen Addiction
Not that long ago, a phone was for calls, texts and maybe a game of Snake. Now almost every phone is a pocket-sized computer with the whole internet on it, and their social media of choice is usually sitting right there on the home screen.
We've had lots of parents and whānau ask us how to set up their young person's phone, so we made two guides: one for iPhone users and another for Android users.
Now, we here at Touchgrass believe in the autonomy of young people, but we're also very aware of the risks that come with a screen, and the anxiety it can cause for whānau. So please keep in mind that this isn't a method of control. It's one of supervision and connection. Here's why it's worth doing.
Prevents them stumbling into things they shouldn't see
Young people don't usually hunt down the content you don't want them seeing, or go looking for randoms on the internet to talk to. They just stumble across it. In fact, Netsafe's research found that the most common unwanted experiences young people have online are being contacted by a stranger and accidentally seeing inappropriate content.
If we think of the internet as an endless corridor and each website as a door, young people are going to open them. Most of the doors are unlocked, and the people behind them are actively trying to get you through. We can't control the doors, but we can supervise the key your rangatahi uses to get into them: their phone.
Website filters, age ratings on apps and limits on who can contact them all help cut down on the doors they open by accident. They won't catch everything (no filter is perfect), which is why talking with your rangatahi about what they're seeing online still matters most.
Protects their sleep
We've written about it before, but SLEEP IS KEY. The Ministry of Health recommends teenagers get 8 to 10 hours a night. Not getting enough can cause lapses in concentration, which affects your rangatahi's ability to learn and be productive.
It isn't just about willpower either. During their teenage years, young people's body clocks naturally shift later, so they don't feel tired until later in the evening. A phone buzzing on the bedside table makes switching off even harder.
When you set up their phone, you can choose a time for it to essentially turn off each night. On an iPhone this is called Downtime, and on Android it's called Bedtime. Calls still come through, so they can always get hold of you.
We don't just chuck young people into cars and say "go for it!"
And there's a very good reason for that (obviously). Sure, safe driving is a little different to responsible phone use, but it's a pretty good metaphor. We make new drivers go through stages as they learn, and phones can work the same way.
First, we start with their learners (younger than 14). We supervise them closely and make sure they're being safe with their phone. This might mean approving every app, having a set bedtime for the phone, and keeping contacts to people they know.
Then they graduate to their restricted. We ease up on the supervision and check in here and there to make sure they're still safe. Maybe bedtime gets a bit later, or they get more say over the apps they use.
Then we completely ease up and give them their full licence, making sure they know we're here, judgement free, if they ever want help or need support.
The idea is to give them the opportunity to earn your trust, and to give you peace of mind that you're able to help them navigate the online world. It can help to pick a time to review things together, like their birthday or the start of the school year, so they know when the next step up is coming.
It makes it way easier to start at the setup
Imagine you've had a phone for a while and then, suddenly, your folks read an article from some know-it-all service and now they want to take your phone and start watching what you do on it. Most of us would throw a fit.
We suggest you start early, ideally before the phone is even in their hands. Speak to your young person: "So, we're getting you a phone, but there will be strings attached for a while." Make it collaborative and listen to their concerns.
It's worth talking through why the settings are there (to keep them safe, not to spy on them), what the rules will be, and how they can earn more freedom over time. If they've already had a phone for a while, it's not too late. Just expect a bit more pushback, and spend a bit more time on the why.
Many mobile games are 'gamblified'
Gamblification is when we take a fun thing and add gambling mechanics to it to make it 'more fun', or in other words, 'more profitable'. Mobile games are notorious for this: loot boxes, spins, "buy this thing and get 20 of these things!". It's relentless.
This isn't just us being dramatic, either. Back in 2018, researchers from Massey University looked at 22 games with loot boxes and found that ten of them met all the criteria for gambling. Six of those ten were rated suitable for players aged 13 or younger.
Setting up your rangatahi's phone gives you the option to approve or decline what they download, giving you the opportunity to look at a game or app before they install it. A quick search of the game's name plus 'loot boxes' or 'in-app purchases' will usually tell you what you need to know. This leads us nicely onto...
No surprising bills
Gambling mechanics and microtransactions ("buy this character skin for $5.99") are everywhere in apps and games today, and small purchases add up fast. It's easy for a young person to tap "buy" without really clocking that it's real money, especially when the game uses gems or coins instead of dollars.
By setting up their phone, you can make sure your young person isn't going to spend too much, or anything at all if you don't want them to. With purchase approvals turned on, every purchase request comes to you first, so there are no nasty surprises when your credit card bill arrives.
Conclusion
Setting up their phone isn't a one-and-done job, and no setting is perfect. Some things will still slip through, which is why keeping the conversation going matters more than any filter.
We suggest you make this a collaborative effort between you and your rangatahi, as it builds connection and trust. Set it up together, check in regularly, and loosen things up as they show they're ready.
Ready to get started? Check out our step-by-step guides for iPhone and Android. And if you're worried about your rangatahi's screen use, or just want to talk it through, you can always contact us via our Live Chat (bottom left corner of your screen) or you can make a booking here.
